Women often laid in boyfriend or husband’s arms and made him promise to never leave me. Though both knows that is words only but both want to be assured again and again. In a letter to her future husband, Edward Montagu, on the eve of their marriage in 1712, she wrote: “Are you sure you shall love me forever? Shall we never repent? I fear and I hope.”
“I fear and hope.” Does it really sums up the women’s fear.
Like a string of hope and desire in the perpetual tug-of-war between dreams and anxiety, we wear ourselves out ingesting over everything, but especially relationships.
It is proved that even the most confident among us are torn between the beautiful possibilities and the unwanted realities of life, or rather the fear of them. We can learn to manage the worries hardening beneath our soft skin, and we want to. Otherwise, we caught between the risk of those fears undermining not only our dreams, but also our relationships. When insecurity is winning the tug-of-war it is far more difficult to love and to be loved.
One way of giving Hope-and-Dreams the advantage then, is by coaxing the Fear So here is our attempt—albeit a mere sliver of the feminine heart—to identify four of the most common fears one can easily see over and over in work with women.
- Losing him. One of the mostcommon fears among women is losing him or losing the man whom she loves. A woman may become uncomfortable, disconcerted, even distressed, when her man is emotionally unavailable to her, and woman just can’t bear the thought of finishing life without her husband if he died. She is even more horrified of his indifference or rejection. Worse still is the prospect of abandonment. The separation of souls is one of the most painful of human experiences.
- Disappointment. Women usually sets very high expectations for themselves from husband and our families, sometimes basing too much of our self-worth on the actions and achievements of our husband and children. The romance in us also naturally builds up fantasies. When things or people don’t turn out the way we hoped, it’s a bitter experience for a wife or mother.
- Interdependence. We’ve been taught to value our strength and independence, and obviously it is your right, but some of us, in a mistaken understanding of feminism, shun interdependence. We feel so defensive of the way we choose to handle our emotions, household, work, and parenting that we frame necessary cooperation as the unnecessary surrendering of sovereignty.
- Exposure. Our common approach that our husband will somehow discover who we really are, what we really think, where we’ve really been—and that he won’t like it, strangely, has a alienate side. A woman can worry even more that she will be exposed to his imperfections and vulnerabilities and in end she just can’t handle the situation.
Scary, isn’t it? Whether we are horrified of revealing ourselves, or dread knowing too much about our husband, whether we’re tormented by disappointment, or scared to death our man will leave us, unwanted fears can leave us hopeless.
A woman’s instincts, which include retreating, withdrawing, denying, neglecting, judging, blaming, hurts a lot.
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